Back the Ass-Hell Up.

Today marks another day where the NFL goes without the year before last's Super Bowl MVB(rady). I literally hear the silence in my ears.

So the Boston Globe attempts to distract itself from my absence with an article about the Ass-Master.

Not Cassel. At Southern Cal, he played behind Carson Palmer, a Heisman Trophy winner. When Palmer went off to the pros, Cassel was passed over in favor of Matt Leinart. Leinart also went on to win the Heisman.

I like this for two reasons. First, it starts out with the obvious: Not Cassel. I told Coach the same thing when I told him I could still play - even drawing up some plays where O-lineman carry me around like Byron Leftwich. Only I'd be good. The second gives me a chance to stop this in-sani-tation about Ass-Hell backing up two former Heisman winners. If you want to have a back-up-off then I say let's roll, because you can take your two Heisman winners and shove them right behind the knowledge of backing up THE Brian Greise in college!!! OOOHHH BRADY DONE HATED IN YOUR HATERADE!

I will say that Cassel's claim to backing up a 3 time Super Bowl winner would count for something... If the Super Bowl winner ever had a back up. But I don't. Never have. Tom Slim Shady operates Lobo Solo.

That reminds me of the time I let a rabid wolf free in Ass-Hell's basement. Welcome to the pack, Tater-NOT! Go Wolverines!

Note to Agent: Make a Commercial about that event. Rabies shots: priceless, Getting the bill to reimburse the town for cordoning off Ass Hell's House: $830 Police Detail Overtime: $1,600. Total package: Priceless minus whatever those other two add up to! KA-CHING!